2008
So this is the new year, I hope everything would be better. The pain I bear, and the stitches I sewn just keep getting ripped open by my insanity.. My deepest darkest secrets still reeks in my ashen heart.
Will it eventually go away.
May I rewind?
Would you let me?
My heart has been left astray for this past year, I don't know how it feels now. Have I been waiting for so long, haven't I? Why did I. I don't know how to go about this anymore. This person had been in my heart for a very long time, but I guess he doesn't realise. Well, maybe he does, but I reckoned he can't do anything too, 'cause I'm the only one left here standing.. I made a promise to move on, but I never really did. I let myself live in denial and deceive. Even at times when I stop thinking, his presence still lingers. And never once did I let go.... I just felt that no one could replace him even though how much hurt was done and having to go through the pain. No matter how broken or tattered I am, I still let it live. I still let it live, 'cause I can't take any more rejections. I had it too many times. So, I just had to drown myself in bitter silence, and it's really sad 'cause can't help myself. I feel sorry everyday..
Him and I, I guessed we went through much together.. Almost 2 years of memories. I remebered the times of course, when we were all laughing and goofing around. And also the times of hardship, gradually leading into tears and avoidance. But now we're friends, and I'm more than glad that it ended this way. We saved a friendship we've built and I thank you for that. I still wonder what you're thinking, but I guess the importance you place in me is not there anymore.. Don't be afraid, I just want to let it all out and that actually I'm still holding on some hope. But I think there's not much of a light I see. It's okay 'cause no one can help me and I can't help myself.. I just need so much more time, will God give it to me? Haha.. But I wished this ends sooner. If you're reading this, do you know that I'm referring to you? (: Whatever. It's okay. Even if after gorging my heart out just to let you understand how much I felt and there after the distance, I really don't mind. Just as long as I keep myself sane from my deceitful heart. My mind can't think anymore.. And I can't follow my heart. Time, it's time I let go. Just help me ease the pain. Save me from tears, the ink and the hurt. So time, won't you take the lead?
People, they've came into my live, but they left me eventually.. And some I've watched them change. And they've changed their feelings for me too. My friends, some decided to stay by me, I really am thankful for them. So much I cherish every single moment and time we spent together. My best friend decided to walk out of my life, but hey I got so much in return. I got closer to my gf(: my bandmates are the gems and my poldars stood by me, gave me so much moral support and soooo much laughters, so loud that I couldn't hear myself and also my troubles. And one most important guy, Kannan(: Who kept me safe and happy throughout this year. I LOVE MY BF(((: How can I forget all of you guys?! Well... I am really complacent with the friends and family lovings(: Thanks for 2007. Time to bid farewell to it.. (:
A new start.
重来? (:
PS:
Pardon me for the heart spill. LOL.
Happy 2008(:
Will it eventually go away.
May I rewind?
Would you let me?
My heart has been left astray for this past year, I don't know how it feels now. Have I been waiting for so long, haven't I? Why did I. I don't know how to go about this anymore. This person had been in my heart for a very long time, but I guess he doesn't realise. Well, maybe he does, but I reckoned he can't do anything too, 'cause I'm the only one left here standing.. I made a promise to move on, but I never really did. I let myself live in denial and deceive. Even at times when I stop thinking, his presence still lingers. And never once did I let go.... I just felt that no one could replace him even though how much hurt was done and having to go through the pain. No matter how broken or tattered I am, I still let it live. I still let it live, 'cause I can't take any more rejections. I had it too many times. So, I just had to drown myself in bitter silence, and it's really sad 'cause can't help myself. I feel sorry everyday..
Him and I, I guessed we went through much together.. Almost 2 years of memories. I remebered the times of course, when we were all laughing and goofing around. And also the times of hardship, gradually leading into tears and avoidance. But now we're friends, and I'm more than glad that it ended this way. We saved a friendship we've built and I thank you for that. I still wonder what you're thinking, but I guess the importance you place in me is not there anymore.. Don't be afraid, I just want to let it all out and that actually I'm still holding on some hope. But I think there's not much of a light I see. It's okay 'cause no one can help me and I can't help myself.. I just need so much more time, will God give it to me? Haha.. But I wished this ends sooner. If you're reading this, do you know that I'm referring to you? (: Whatever. It's okay. Even if after gorging my heart out just to let you understand how much I felt and there after the distance, I really don't mind. Just as long as I keep myself sane from my deceitful heart. My mind can't think anymore.. And I can't follow my heart. Time, it's time I let go. Just help me ease the pain. Save me from tears, the ink and the hurt. So time, won't you take the lead?
People, they've came into my live, but they left me eventually.. And some I've watched them change. And they've changed their feelings for me too. My friends, some decided to stay by me, I really am thankful for them. So much I cherish every single moment and time we spent together. My best friend decided to walk out of my life, but hey I got so much in return. I got closer to my gf(: my bandmates are the gems and my poldars stood by me, gave me so much moral support and soooo much laughters, so loud that I couldn't hear myself and also my troubles. And one most important guy, Kannan(: Who kept me safe and happy throughout this year. I LOVE MY BF(((: How can I forget all of you guys?! Well... I am really complacent with the friends and family lovings(: Thanks for 2007. Time to bid farewell to it.. (:
A new start.
重来? (:
PS:
Pardon me for the heart spill. LOL.
Happy 2008(:
posted by Jols :) at
11:44 PM
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